Three years ago, I made an online diary.
I was just trying to be myself. Just trying to save all my memories and the feelings that I've had in the past. I just found out one thing in common in the past and the present.
The past was searching for happiness.
The present still searches for it.
Did I overlook that?
Am I too busy with life that I was not able to see it?
Did it ever come?
Please, tell her if the search is over.
For even if it's not she'll search for it over and over.
http://peterhook22.tumblr.com/
Sunday, November 17, 2013
Friday, July 5, 2013
Break ups, Moving On and Falling In Love Again... Discussion on PERT CPM
April 17, 2013
11:06 PM
As I was teaching evaluation techniques, I realize that breakup is an event. It doesn't consume resources. It is a simple event that happens between two persons who have tried their best to save something which they considered a big part of their lives.
The events after the breakup are already activity. We define activity as something that will consume all the resources that you have: time, effort, money, strength and even health.
(Hanep na discussion at blog)
(Hanep na discussion at blog)
The Pirate's Diary: Inside This Hard Shell is a Mollusk, An Idiot Muscle
This is a Diary.
This blog was intended for life blog purposes.
It should've been written in local language. I just realize that there are several people who wants to have a know-how on dealing with the same feelings.
As I review my blog, I can't remember the same feelings that I had the time I wrote it.
That is the reason why I write. I am a forgetful person. I even forgive easily. I don't mind what had happened in the past. I don't even give a damn if I will undergo the same situation if I forgive and forget.
Ooops... I am not embittered by any painful past. I just can't let my guards down. Inside this hard shell, is a mollusk. Ironically, it is an unbreakable thing that breaks. It is soft and it continuously beats. It doesn't have brain, it is a idiot muscle. It always forgets. It forgives most of the time.
Where is it going? Don't know. I guess some prince is trying to drive this mollusk crazy. For the nth time, let's see.
This blog was intended for life blog purposes.
It should've been written in local language. I just realize that there are several people who wants to have a know-how on dealing with the same feelings.
As I review my blog, I can't remember the same feelings that I had the time I wrote it.
That is the reason why I write. I am a forgetful person. I even forgive easily. I don't mind what had happened in the past. I don't even give a damn if I will undergo the same situation if I forgive and forget.
Ooops... I am not embittered by any painful past. I just can't let my guards down. Inside this hard shell, is a mollusk. Ironically, it is an unbreakable thing that breaks. It is soft and it continuously beats. It doesn't have brain, it is a idiot muscle. It always forgets. It forgives most of the time.
Where is it going? Don't know. I guess some prince is trying to drive this mollusk crazy. For the nth time, let's see.
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Masasaktan ka din bukas
If I can blog about pain, then all I could write are the words GUN, KNIFE, DEATHWISHES...
Am I the only one?
In silence, I remain. I go with the flow freely.
I learned to love life more than I did yesterday.
Pain just lasts for seconds.
Kakalimutan kita..
Masasaktan lang din naman ako bukas
Am I the only one?
In silence, I remain. I go with the flow freely.
I learned to love life more than I did yesterday.
Pain just lasts for seconds.
Kakalimutan kita..
Masasaktan lang din naman ako bukas
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Denial, Letting Go and Moving On...
Denial, Letting Go and Moving On...
Denial.
The hardest part.
"I dont love you".
There is no such thing as read between the lines.
It's clear and simple. You have to accept the fact that love fades.
Letting Go.
After the acceptance part. you try to leave things behind. You start of with the alarm that reminds you of the mornings that someone will tell you "Good Morning Beautiful!"
You will leave the memories, good and bad. To stop reminding you how bad, how hard, and how it could have been.
Moving On.
You start to pick up your broken self.
You live all by yourself.
You accepted the fact, that as you sleep. No one will tell you, you are his world
He loves you. He will wait for another morning to see you.
Love lasts.
If not, it's either... love never existed or love found a new home. </3
sgd. peterhookxxii
Denial.
The hardest part.
"I dont love you".
There is no such thing as read between the lines.
It's clear and simple. You have to accept the fact that love fades.
Letting Go.
After the acceptance part. you try to leave things behind. You start of with the alarm that reminds you of the mornings that someone will tell you "Good Morning Beautiful!"
You will leave the memories, good and bad. To stop reminding you how bad, how hard, and how it could have been.
Moving On.
You start to pick up your broken self.
You live all by yourself.
You accepted the fact, that as you sleep. No one will tell you, you are his world
He loves you. He will wait for another morning to see you.
Love lasts.
If not, it's either... love never existed or love found a new home. </3
sgd. peterhookxxii
Saturday, February 9, 2013
3 MONTHS & A SPIRAL DOWNTURN
All we could do is to wait for guys to be knight. Those are girls.
All we could do is to wait for a princess to call us. Those are boys.
We are all waiting. But we never thought that sometimes waiting can be so difficult.
The agony of waking up every moment without someone to call our own or may be the pain when everyone else in the world has their soul mates and you haven't found yours.
After three months of nearly seeing heaven on earth, I found myself being drowned by my made-up fantasies and make-believe that promises are not meant to be broken but to be fulfilled. Hearing him say that both promises and illusion are the same, I can no longer hide all the pain that continues to poison my entire beliefs in love and life.
I came from a 5 year long relationship and I never thought that the same nightmare would come again to life after moving forward from that same kind of pain.
Yes, I am lady. I am girl who was left behind. I longed for someone to fight for me. Someone came to be the next person whom I should try my patience on. I am tired of believing and of waking up to a bitter reality. There are no princes, no fairy tales no such thing as one true love. But on the other side of things, there's a part of me that hopes, that tries to make things fit perfectly, although there really was a mismatch on things.
I am in a living nightmare with someone I wished for and prayed for long time ago..This person is the person whom I fell in love with three times in 8 long years. I am still praying that he will suddenly have a change of heart. Cause, there's no one in this world that will complete me, except for him.
I still miss him.
We were not the same couples, like we used to be.
I love him.
He doesn't feel the same.
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Life is a scattered piece of shit: I still love it
People never knew what each and everyone is going through. The only thing that we know is that we are all in pain. The worst part, people compare. My struggles versus yours...
I still love my love even if it is a scattered piece of shit. This shit makes me who I am.
This shit makes me stronger and a better person. No one loves me today, for they negatively think about my perspective in life. But that doesn't make me less of a person. I am who I am. Someday, when everything else falls into its righteous place, the right man will come.
He will accept my past. And everything that I've gone through. He'll understand why I became so harsh on myself, why I love myself less.
He will live with me in my present. He'll make memories with me. He will not change the past but will add up to the happy things that was there. He'll love me for who I am.
He will be my future. For he believes that with me, life begins and ends happily. He will be there for he knows and feels that we really are meant for each other. He will continuously become the cause of my happiness, for I am the cause of his existence.
My life is a scattered piece of shit, but I still love it. And somehow, someone is loving me, the way I go through it.
I still love my love even if it is a scattered piece of shit. This shit makes me who I am.
This shit makes me stronger and a better person. No one loves me today, for they negatively think about my perspective in life. But that doesn't make me less of a person. I am who I am. Someday, when everything else falls into its righteous place, the right man will come.
He will accept my past. And everything that I've gone through. He'll understand why I became so harsh on myself, why I love myself less.
He will live with me in my present. He'll make memories with me. He will not change the past but will add up to the happy things that was there. He'll love me for who I am.
He will be my future. For he believes that with me, life begins and ends happily. He will be there for he knows and feels that we really are meant for each other. He will continuously become the cause of my happiness, for I am the cause of his existence.
My life is a scattered piece of shit, but I still love it. And somehow, someone is loving me, the way I go through it.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Just Beside the Man of My Dreams
01.04.2013
People would always ask: How come we fall in love with that person? He or She is not perfect. He doesn't have these and that. He's not the one made for you.
But the question is: Who knows better than your heart and mind?
Others may not have the idea of what it took the both of you to finally found yourselves in the arms of each other. Sometimes, you seem to hold each other too tight and ask yourself, "Is this heaven on my Earth?" Definitely, loving someone and being love is truly witnessing a glimpse of heaven.
My man is not a perfect man. But his imperfections made me love him more dearly every single day. Those imperfections made me feel like I'm not just love for the sake of being loved but I'm also needed. How would that make you feel when you exist not for your dreams only, but for others also. How does it feel when you the day is so hazy but you still feel the need to survive because someone is willing to see you again the next morning.
Yes, how does it feel to be needed?
Beside the man, I longed to have many years ago... I am not the same person who I was. I no longer curse my life but love it and those in it.
Beside the man, I wanted to be with before... I am not the same old girl who carried a broken heart a year ago. I am a woman, being cared for. I am princess being protected. I am a dream, he keeps on achieving.
Beside the man, I know who loves me... I am like a sister, I am like a best friend, I am the present and the future.
Beside the man, I know I truly love... I am no longer wanderer. My heart found its home. A place where it will stay forever.
All the pains I had a year ago did not totally vanish, but slowly it fades. My wounds are healed.
My heart that turned into ashes revives back to life. Not ready to experience the pain, but willing to love without condition.
To my engineer, to my best friend, to my fluffeeey, to my heart, let me love you for the rest of your life.
Let me take care of you until you grow old. Let me bring your heart warmth. Let me become a part of you that will never leave. I love you.
People would always ask: How come we fall in love with that person? He or She is not perfect. He doesn't have these and that. He's not the one made for you.
But the question is: Who knows better than your heart and mind?
Others may not have the idea of what it took the both of you to finally found yourselves in the arms of each other. Sometimes, you seem to hold each other too tight and ask yourself, "Is this heaven on my Earth?" Definitely, loving someone and being love is truly witnessing a glimpse of heaven.
My man is not a perfect man. But his imperfections made me love him more dearly every single day. Those imperfections made me feel like I'm not just love for the sake of being loved but I'm also needed. How would that make you feel when you exist not for your dreams only, but for others also. How does it feel when you the day is so hazy but you still feel the need to survive because someone is willing to see you again the next morning.
Yes, how does it feel to be needed?
Beside the man, I longed to have many years ago... I am not the same person who I was. I no longer curse my life but love it and those in it.
Beside the man, I wanted to be with before... I am not the same old girl who carried a broken heart a year ago. I am a woman, being cared for. I am princess being protected. I am a dream, he keeps on achieving.
Beside the man, I know who loves me... I am like a sister, I am like a best friend, I am the present and the future.
Beside the man, I know I truly love... I am no longer wanderer. My heart found its home. A place where it will stay forever.
All the pains I had a year ago did not totally vanish, but slowly it fades. My wounds are healed.
My heart that turned into ashes revives back to life. Not ready to experience the pain, but willing to love without condition.
To my engineer, to my best friend, to my fluffeeey, to my heart, let me love you for the rest of your life.
Let me take care of you until you grow old. Let me bring your heart warmth. Let me become a part of you that will never leave. I love you.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
I'm Tired of Loving this Way
01.04.13
Yesterday, I was inside a store where all songs being played are for those who are undergoing emotional stress.
I was stuck with the song, I grab my note and type two lines from the song:
"I'm not what you really need"
"I can see it in you eyes..."
at the end, there is still a line I picked up and wrote on my notepad
"I'm tired of loving this way"
Well, this song goes out to those who have been so sorry about hurting the ones they love. There are things that may seem so unforgivable for them. All we have to do is to give them enough time to think about those things. A space is a place where a person can reflect about all the things that had happened. A place where we all can move forward through a noiseless environment. We don't need to fix things up as soon as we can. Let things simmer down. And then, realize.
Loving this Way
By: Collin Raye
I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I know your every weakness
I can find one in everything you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way.
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'll set your heart free
And if you're mine you'll come flying back someday
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Well, I'm taking you with me
Like a room in my heart you'll have your place
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Yesterday, I was inside a store where all songs being played are for those who are undergoing emotional stress.
I was stuck with the song, I grab my note and type two lines from the song:
"I'm not what you really need"
"I can see it in you eyes..."
at the end, there is still a line I picked up and wrote on my notepad
"I'm tired of loving this way"
Well, this song goes out to those who have been so sorry about hurting the ones they love. There are things that may seem so unforgivable for them. All we have to do is to give them enough time to think about those things. A space is a place where a person can reflect about all the things that had happened. A place where we all can move forward through a noiseless environment. We don't need to fix things up as soon as we can. Let things simmer down. And then, realize.
Loving this Way
By: Collin Raye
I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I know your every weakness
I can find one in everything you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way.
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'll set your heart free
And if you're mine you'll come flying back someday
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Well, I'm taking you with me
Like a room in my heart you'll have your place
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
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