Life is a scattered piece of shit: I still love it

People never knew what each and everyone is going through. The only thing that we know is that we are all in pain. The worst part, people compare. My struggles versus yours...

I still love my love even if it is a scattered piece of shit. This shit makes me who I am.
This shit makes me stronger and a better person. No one loves me today, for they negatively think about my perspective in life. But that doesn't make me less of a person. I am who I am. Someday, when everything else falls into its righteous place, the right man will come.

He will accept my past. And everything that I've gone through. He'll understand why I became so harsh on myself, why I love myself less.

He will live with me in my present. He'll make memories with me. He will not change the past but will add up to the happy things that was there. He'll love me for who I am.

He will be my future. For he believes that with me, life begins and ends happily. He will be there for he knows and feels that we really are meant for each other. He will continuously become the cause of my happiness, for I am the cause of his existence.


My life is a scattered piece of shit, but I still love it. And somehow, someone is loving me, the way I go through it.

Just Beside the Man of My Dreams

01.04.2013

People would always ask: How come we fall in love with that person? He or She is not perfect. He doesn't have these and that. He's not the one made for you.

But the question is: Who knows better than your heart and mind?

Others may not have the idea of what it took the both of you to finally found yourselves in the arms of each other. Sometimes, you seem to hold each other too tight and ask yourself, "Is this heaven on my Earth?" Definitely, loving someone and being love is truly witnessing a glimpse of heaven.

My man is not a perfect man. But his imperfections made me love him more dearly every single day. Those imperfections made me feel like I'm not just love for the sake of being loved but I'm also needed. How would that make you feel when you exist not for your dreams only, but for others also. How does it feel when you the day is so hazy but you still feel the need to survive because someone is willing to see you again the next morning.

Yes, how does it feel to be needed?

Beside the man, I longed to have many years ago... I am not the same person who I was. I no longer curse my life but love it and those in it.

Beside the man, I wanted to be with before... I am not the same old girl who carried a broken heart a year ago. I am a woman, being cared for. I am princess being protected. I am a dream, he keeps on achieving.

Beside the man, I know who loves me... I am like a sister, I am like a best friend, I am the present and the future.

Beside the man, I know I truly love... I am no longer wanderer. My heart found its home. A place where it will stay forever.

All the pains I had a year ago did not totally vanish, but slowly it fades. My wounds are healed.

My heart that turned into ashes revives back to life. Not ready to experience the pain, but willing to love without condition.

To my engineer, to my best friend, to my fluffeeey, to my heart, let me love you for the rest of your life.
Let me take care of you until you grow old. Let me bring your heart warmth. Let me become a part of you that will never leave. I love you.

I'm Tired of Loving this Way

01.04.13

Yesterday, I was inside a store where all songs being played are for those who are undergoing emotional stress.

I was stuck with the song, I grab my note and type two lines from the song:

"I'm not what you really need"

"I can see it in you eyes..."

at the end, there is still a line I picked up and wrote on my notepad

"I'm tired of loving this way"

Well, this song goes out to those who have been so sorry about hurting the ones they love. There are things that may seem so unforgivable for them. All we have to do is to give them enough time to think about those things. A space is a place where a person can reflect about all the things that had happened. A place where we all can move forward through a noiseless environment. We don't need to fix things up as soon as we can. Let things simmer down. And then, realize.

Loving this Way
By: Collin Raye


I'm tired of watching me hurt you
I'm tired of being the teardrops on your face
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I know your every weakness
I can find one in everything you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way.
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'll set your heart free
And if you're mine you'll come flying back someday
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
Well, I'm taking you with me
Like a room in my heart you'll have your place
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm not what you really need
I'm not the one in your dreams
I can see it in your eyes
This ain't the way it should feel
I don't know how we got here
Love's no longer blind
If that's just how it is
Can we go on like this
Oh baby what do you say
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way
I'm tired of loving this way